I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
