im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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