Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
