Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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