Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
