I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
