I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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