The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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