So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
