She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize