My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
