I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
