I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
