How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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