Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
