I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
