her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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