The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
