Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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