Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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