You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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