i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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