Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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