a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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