he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
