Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
