Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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