Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just invented taco cereal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
