State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize