I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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