yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
