Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
