Don't make out with my wife yet
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
