I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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