No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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