All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
