I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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