It's Friday. Sex?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
