I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
