I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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