is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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