Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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