he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
