Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
