The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
