I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
