So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
