The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
