I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
