But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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