You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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