I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
