dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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