what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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