I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
