I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
