I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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