I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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