I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
