You smell like stripper and shame
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
