I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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