he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Someone shattered a urinal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
