Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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