you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
