we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
