Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
